silence is the key

The Leader in Me.

Summer of 2010, I received a personalized letter from the new principal at the under performing school I worked with in New Orleans. He started so strong, determined and challenged that just after a couple of weeks, teachers were on their toes teaching, students behavior changed, teams were communicating and collaborating on how to improve student’s grades and behavior. The principal was just so into it that the staff, teachers and even the students could really picture the vision for the school to the point that we all actually believed that it will be achieved! He’s always out and about, he’ll even co-teach a class, he’ll whisper to students and ask them if they understood what is being taught, he’d know his students with special needs that he’d ask them if they were being given accommodations. He simply made sure that everyone is doing what they were supposed to be doing! It was a real 180 degree turn from what our school was prior to his leadership.

Clearly my vision of what leadership is about, when change is created, when you properly direct or guide your team to the achievement of the set goals, when your team is communicating, creating solutions not problems, when they are involved and invested in achieving the vision of the group and at the end of the day you know that you were able to empower your people, because as you bring out the best in them, it’s bringing out the best in you.

A leader plays many roles, wears many hats. What makes a leader great however is if he is not only able to lead a group into the achievement of its goals and vision, but more so if he is able to take leadership of his own self, his own experience, his own habits, his own cultural programming and his own thoughts.

Thus, we are all leaders, we may not be great ones yet, but what is important is if we are able to lead our own thoughts into that we earnestly desire, then we may be surprised to have all our goals and vision achieved just because we are able to lead ourselves into it. Let me repeat, If we are able to lead our own thoughts into that we earnestly desire, then we may be surprised to have all our goals and vision achieved just because we are able to lead ourselves into it. We may not know yet but that is how powerful we are!

The principal I had in New Orleans knew what he wanted. He was very clear and decided to make his goals happen. He will not say no for an answer. To him, there is always a solution… He’d say, “So? What can you do about it?” If you are bringing him a problem, be sure to bring him solution too!

And that’s how powerful we are, because if we just keep quiet and think about it, there are no problems without solutions, so it’s not even a problem at all. Leaders will always find ways to make things happen. But this is not to say we can just do what we think we should do, because we are responsible and accountable too for our actions. We should also make sure that we know how are actions are impacting others.

The question now is how do we lead ourselves into achieving our goals? How do we get from Point A to Point B? Napoleon Hill said, if the mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve. The answer is all about knowing what you want with all your heart and soul, believing it will happen in due time and then it will happen, like magic! Pieces of the puzzle will fit, circumstances will change, different mechanisms will just appear leading to its achievement! Our mind is simply powerful. So we should really be careful on what we are thinking about. Our thoughts could really make things happen. Our thoughts could change our world.

Knowing ourselves and achieving by simply changing our thoughts is power. With great power, though comes great responsibility. The Principal in New Orleans knew that, he knew how powerful he is and that is why he was able to create change in his workplace, because he allowed us, teachers and staff to believe in ourselves too, and in our power.

“Why do you want to leave Louisiana?”, the principal asked me 6 months ago, “…because I’m in love with the mountains of New Mexico!” that’s true but honestly it was more of because I’m looking for a stable job.. every year in my old district I was always in the surplus list! PLUS, I heard from friends that they are sponsoring green card visas in the district! – but of course, I will not tell him that in the interview!

So I was hired, fell so much in love with the place, my school, my students, my co-workers, our apartment, everything about where I am I love! I started to dream again, made future plans, connected with my passion, made friends, enjoyed the simple life and then the BIG NEWS!

“..the district is also faced with budget challenges.. 7 million dollars cut from the 2011-2012 operational budget.. regular attrition.. LAST IN – FIRST OUT.”

The phone rang yesterday, I felt my blood rushed out of my face as I walked in the principal’s office. All the principal were there, and as I sat.. all I heard was “.. position no longer mine… budget cut.. based on seniority.. the regular ed teacher whose position was cut has Special Ed endorsement so I have to go..”

In the state of shock.. not knowing what to think of while walking out of the office.. I called my husband and told him, I was cut, I will no longer be with the school next year! I was so cool about it that made him not panic too!

I taught my last class as if nothing happened, my co-teacher heard about what happened but was decent about it too. After the class, I googled the net, “special education teacher jobs in the USA”.. but since I was still in the state of shock, I disregarded the websites on the screen and counted how much I owe my credit cards!!! BAD. REAL BAD.

So to date, I am still in the midst of a storm. And never in my entire life had I attempted to write about it but now. I had not told anyone too! Even, if they know, for sure, I don’t mind. You see, every year for the last three years I always find myself without a contract the following year and it seems like OK but this time, I have gotten to love everything about where I am! That hurts!

Leo Buscaglia’s words just kept ringing in my ears.. “An investment in life is an investment in change.. When you keep on changing all the time, you’ve got to continue to keep on adjusting to change- which means you are going to be constantly facing new obstacles and that’s the joy of living! And once you’re involved in the process of becoming, you’re doomed! you’re gone! but what a fantastic journey!”

A fantastic journey indeed! I am on H1B Visa AND I only have one year to be sponsored a green card visa!!!! I know I am doomed! and I am gone!!! BUT it made me cry, it made me think, it made reflect, it made me look forward to possibilities and most specially it made me believe in the goodness of God and His plans for me and my family.

At this time, I can only think of three things:

First, Trust that something really good is going to happen. All the doors, windows and rooftops are opening again to pour out blessings and graces. And this, I believe.

Second, Do what needs to be done. Apply, search for jobs, call, email, send letters.. the more prospects, the more possibilities of getting a job! I pray.

Third, Let it go. I am letting go of my need for a green card visa. I am letting go because God may have other plans for us. Resigning from the other district was a decision I don’t regret, I know my consequences, I know my results, I also know my reasons and what not for leaving. I don’t know why it happened, or if it was really designed to happen for a purpose in the first place. No blames, no need to justify, no need to uplift self and be proud. Just the way life is and I have no answer. I let go.

Miracles await. I know.

CATCH MY THOUGHTS! started in October 18, 2006 using Friendster Blogs. My friend since Toastmaster’s days in Makati, Len of Conversations with Self talked me into doing it! Check out the very first blog -Writing.. de-boning..?

On May 2, 2011, I transferred all my blogs in this site, just to keep it going.. and just to continue on what I love most doing.. WRITING. So here it is! :)

Who am I?

A person in her sacred quest.. mmm

What I am sure of is that there is so much more to my realities, or illusions?

That there is so much more that I haven’t tapped.

That there is so much more to do, to write, to be…

The best is yet to come.. and I am in the lifelong process of discovering, unfolding, demystifying.. the real me deep down..

The basic fact is I am simply a woman, writing her hearts out, and that’s about it.

Stories of my life. Stories to share. Stories to learn about. Stories to read.

With hopes that as I uncover mysteries of life in its simplicity and beauty, readers will also be able to relate, find common things, learn, unlearn, undo, redo, own, justify, correct, metamorphose, change… life as it is.

Thoughts are GEMS. Catch it!

NAMASTE.

I always pictured him coming soon.
I am doubtless that I’d tell my friends.. when I see him I’d know it’s him.
I’d know him when he comes.
That belief never left me.
I just know it will happen.
And it will happen soon.

I was never a fan of long engagements or long boyfriend-girlfriend thingy. It’s like why would I prolong the relationship if it will not work? It’s like a waste of time for me. My thinking was if you really love each other,  then you make it work. Love is a commitment not a feeling. There’s no justice for me in getting the heartaches of break-ups from one boyfriend to another.. Well, it’s just me. So, I waited.

It took years.
I started believing at 16.
He came at 24.
And he did come!
My belief led me to him.

I was never doubting, I have always known it will happen and it will happen soon. I was just 100% positive about it.
And when men came, each one has their own story, but my mind was still when I see him, the very first time, I’d know it’s him. And true enough.

The very first time was like knowing him for the longest time already!
As if we were friends way back then.
The day we met, made me feel like floating… as if a miracle’s happening!
He’s here! He came! And I know he is the one. The person in my dreams!

He came, in white. We talked, we laughed, we went to movies on our first date! the first date!!! I must have trusted him in my heart already that I’d went to movies with him on our first date! hahaha

It took 10 days. In that 10 days, I quarreled with him, we went to a 4 hour bus trip together for him to see my mom in the province. We went to church, attended mass, held hands and after watching another movie together, as we were leaving the theater I  told him he’s now officially my boyfriend.

Why be shy about what you feel? hahahha.. Why go through the what if he won’t ask me out again, what if he doesn’t want me to be his girlfriend thing, I just said what needs to be said. He’s now my boyfriend. Period.

Then he left for work abroad.

I’d miss him so much.. just thinking of him will make the phone ring..
just a thought of him would make him call me.. anytime I feel him.. in my mind.. and he’d call!  Weird. But it happened.
I was full of confidence that I was making a soul connection with him that I’d tell my friends how I miss him and true enough, the phone would ring with him on the line calling me.

That was real weird, but it just made me believe in the possibility that we can be soul mates. And so, after a year, we got married and well, the rest is history.

No Excuses!

I visited Gallup Storytellers Toastmasters Club last Thursday. I was excited to be attending one again. The last time was like 10 years ago! I have kind-of-forgotten how it goes and my memory was refreshed seeing prepared speeches, table topics -impromptu speeches, grammarian, time and ah-counter and toastmaster of the day.. The meeting started at 6:30 AM, and since I was on spring break, it was a real effort to wake up that early and be in the meeting place on time!

I was given all the materials (flyers, brochures, application form) I need to renew my membership, plus the encouragement from the members. The club has been in existence since June 1, 1992. They currently have around 15 members, there were only 10 Thursday.

Well, up to now, I have not decided, if I will join again or not!

I have a lot of excuses in mind.. time factor, only 10 members?, and the putting forth effort again!

Although I know the benefits and advantages of joining a Toastmasters club surpasses all my excuses, I still can’t help but make up excuses!

Oh! What a Spaghetti Brain I am!!!

I am just reminded of the 4 Thinkers and how I fit in one, no two, no three!

First, we have Star Shooters.. these are people who achieve their goals! They create results! They make things happen! They use their obstacles as stepping-stones and boom they get what they want! .. With the rate I am going now, I am yet far from one!

Second, the Problem Seekers.. these are those who always see problems until they become the problem themselves! They are the “Yeah, but..”, They are always looking for something that is wrong! They are very focused on their obstacles!.. Yeah, I think I am kind-a like this today!

Third are Spaghetti Brains.. They have so many goals, so many sub goals. They start something up but won’t finish it.. Yeah spaghetti brains! Like me! Sucks!

Fourth kind of thinker is the Spectator.. These are those who have never went beyond the obstacles because they have forgotten how to dream. They have no goals.. Oh wait! There goals are  to just watch TV, go to work, go home.. and just do the same things over and over again…which leads me to realize how I am a spectator…

Well…

I could come up with all the excuses again why it’s perfectly OKAY to be spectators, spaghetti brains and problem seekers.. BUT Easter was just yesterday! and He’s not given excuses for coming back to life. He’s fulfilled His goal. Why can’t I?

Becoming a star shooter is the one and only way I can get ahead, with my laziness and passivity to making my life colorful again, creating memories, controlling my life, living at the edge, taking the risk, learning lessons and making a difference!

The one and only way of fulfilling my dreams… so I guess, I’ve no more excuses!

Carpe Diem!

The Late Bloomer

Have you ever experienced being pressured by your relatives and friends  to enter into a relationship already because YOU are getting older and no one’s courting you yet???

As if by that act, men would come and court you? As if it wasn’t your all-day no, all-year long  prayer – “Lord, give me a man to love, and who will love me back!” and yet, still there’s none!

I graduated high school and college and had not a boyfriend! Very focused on my studies, and knowing how my parents are working for my education – I graduated Cum Laude.. but I have no boyfriend!:)

It may be just me feeling the pressure every time, relatives, would ask if I have a boyfriend already and that it’s about time I have one.. and I would unconsciously come out with all the excuses about studies and all, face the mirror and see a beautiful swan, but men maybe seeing otherwise!!!

It’s funny now, looking back, how every Lenten season, our family would do “Visita Iglesia” and to all the churches that we would visit, my prayer is just the same “Lord, find me a boyfriend!” haha year after year after year.

And then at 24, he came! No, they came! – to the point that I need to choose which one! And fast forward, I got married, but that’s another story…

You maybe wondering what happened in between? How I survived years of single blessedness and no boyfriend since birth syndrome despite the eagerness to have one! Well, here’s what I did and I am pretty sure, someone, somewhere, sometime will benefit from my lovely experience.

First, I buried myself in Self-Help books, funny but being a book-lover that I am,  I love the smell of National Bookstore – Self-Help book section! With the books that I’ve read, I learned to love myself more and more, I learned to accept and trust people around me, I realized a lot of things about me and my universe, how my thoughts are changing me, how my actions are affecting others and most especially how I am attracting the persons that I want or not want to be in my life.  Reading Self-Help books is a BIG FACTOR why everything about me changed!

Second, I attended Leadership Training Seminars! Having a passion for learning and growth made me just want to learn so much more, so I’ll be so much more too! There’s no time to waste! I may not be a leader of my organization, but I am a leader of my own thoughts! I am a leader of my own life. Reasons don’t count anymore, only what results I am producing, making sure I am responsible and accountable for my actions. Leadership seminars helped!

Third, I visualized! From all the insights, all the trainings of all my books and facilitator mentors. I know in due time, my vision will come, because I have my heart set in to it! I know what I want, “a man – who will love and accept me as I am!”, “a man who knows how to listen and to understand”, “a man who is God-fearing”, and because I know what I want to have, I became who I want to have! Before I receive, I need to give. Embracing my “wants” in my man, made me become that! and made me attract the man of my vision. And it worked!

I realized, I will never have control in what other people may think of me, what they say about me, what other people told them about me… all this I have no control of. BUT, I can control ME. People will always have something negative to say, but at the end of the day, what matters is what I am saying to myself! People may pressure me because, I do not conform to their social ways, but that doesn’t matter, for as long as I know who I am and what direction I am going, then I am fine.

And true enough, at 24 I had my share. I guess, I’m a very late bloomer.. a caterpillar stuck! but in time flew.. unique and different!

“Your potential is limited only by how many excuses you have.”

This is a wake-up call for me!
I have no more excuses to make.
My heart is leading me to reach new heights once more.

Do something new.
Do something different.
Do something wild.
Do something risky.
and Just Do It!

And I will.
No more excuses.

Time to face my fears.
Time to face my threats.
Time to face the challenge.
Time to explore.
Time to leap.
Time to face my reality.

I am scared.
But taking the initial step, would do me good, I know!
My heart thumps so hard, just thinking about it!
But I won’t grow if I remain weak, passive and indifferent.

I know.
My heart and mind won’t make me rest.
My passion is pushing me to its direction.
And so I doubt, no more.

So I’ll Be.

Monday…

I love Gallup. I love NM. I love my school. I love today. I was able to do what I need to do. I was a proctor the whole day. I was able to use the PC and read Rich Dad Poor Dad, download files and set my mind to future plans. I love my family. Love being with them. I love writing. I love reading. I love watching movies. I love walking. I love food. Love to eat.. love to talk.. I love to laugh. I love to love.
I love writing in this blog. Without anybody knowing what I write, even if I’m in the net. I love it.
Maybe when I do have something nice to share I will post this link to my FB account. For now, let me just pour my mind without thinking of what others will say about it. What others will think of it. Funny, freeing as it is.. like Dear Diary kind of thing.. but this is fun.
I have always wanted to be a writer. So what I’ll do is using this blog, I will ask myself questions or provide topics to write about.. and then I will start from there..
Just to make me think and write.. as a practice.. as a hobby .. as an outlet.. just like before…

trying real hard!

Let me just do this fast. I know I owe this to myself… before FB steals my time and attention!

I had a dream last night about writing.. did 2 articles and both won a contest something..

So let it just be my stepping board to fulfilling my promise to write weekly.

My thoughts are still all over the place.

Having gotten a new website to watch pinoy movies – makes me not want to sleep early and just watch and watch..

I know I need to start with my plans and just do it.. and will do it.. just not yet.. it will come.

Still grateful for little by little things are making sense… at last! :P

no excuse!

The bell just rang.
I don’t feel like going to classes today.
I just want to read books.
Browse the net.
Finish all my pending work.
Stay here in my room.
Quiet time.
BUT the bell just rang.
I have no excuse.
Can’t find a real good one.
SO, I will need to pretend,
do my part,
face my reality,
enjoy my day,
teach the students,
be excited,
be happy,
and be eager to seize the day today.
——-

3:42

“You’re the best one out there”

A sub teacher just told this to me as I go out of the room…

Guess,  I’ve done a good job… even if I started not wanting to :)

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